Project Management Humor

Sometime back I made a presentation on In Flight Projects to all Project Managers across IBM India. At bottom of every slide, I inserted populer one liners about Project Management Humor. These have been collected from various websites on Internet. Being in this profession for last 8 years, I do strongly respect Project Management as a profession. Intention here is to enjoy the lighter side of the Project Management. This, of course, represents my own thoughts and has got nothing to do with my employer.

The nice thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression 
Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything 
A user is somebody who tells you what they want the day you give them what they asked for 
No project has ever finished on time, within budget, to requirements 
There's never enough time to do it right first time but there's always enough time to go back and do it again 
If you don't attack the risks, the risks will attack you For a project manager overruns are as certain as death and taxes
If you can keep your head while all around you are losing theirs, you haven't understood the plan 
If project content is allowed to change freely the rate of change will exceed the rate of progress 
Good control reveals problems early - which only means you'll have longer to worry about them
The project would not have been started if the truth had been told about the cost and timescale
If you're 6 months late on a milestone due next week but nevertheless really believe you can make it, you're a project manager
There are no good project managers - only lucky ones
A badly planned project will take three times longer than expected - a well planned project only twice as long as expected 
I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant 
Too few people on a project can't solve the problems Too many create more problems than they solve 
Some project finish on time in spite of project management best practices
If you don't know how to do a task, start it, then ten people who know less than you will tell you how to do it 
If you don't plan, it doesn't work. If you do plan, it doesn't work either. Why plan! 
Any project can be estimated accurately, once it's completed 
The person who says it will take the longest and cost the most is the only one with a clue how to do the job

Cheers
Rohit